highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
