I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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