4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
