My friends, they love my intelligence
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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