I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
