Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
