Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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