it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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