Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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