Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
