so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
