My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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