Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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