Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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