And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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