I am spending my child support on dildos
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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