If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
