There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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