I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
