i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
