his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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