He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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