I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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