I'm drive I can fine osifer
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
