I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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