I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
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I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
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I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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