I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
