I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
