shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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