My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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