just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
