May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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