UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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