I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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