he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
