Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My vagina is officially offended.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
