Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
