I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
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Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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