Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
