K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
