You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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