It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
