And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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