gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
