i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
