I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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