wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
