I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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