Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
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