I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
