Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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