Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
