It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
