I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
