Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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