I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
