Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have aggressive nipples.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
