If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
