No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
