I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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