my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
