But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
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I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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