you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
