The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
