shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
