I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Buhtt sex?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
